Tiff Needell previews Cyan Rizla

[Thirst]

I was smoking a joint the other day and scrutinizing the roll like a massive geek, when I made the connection between that and cars and the finer points of their handling. Then I imagined Tiff Needell reviewing it like a car, because he’s so enthusiastic and into it. And you know how it is when you’re stoned, you realize things in heightened detail, so I was cracking up picturing him with all his mannerisms and speech patterns going through the experience like a flying lap or something, with redeye and a clumsy grin etc.
So I wrote this like he’d probably deliver it

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It’s a blazing summer day at the Rizla performance tuning facility just outside Maranello. I’ve been invited to test drive their new Cyan model, which until now was being kept under wraps until their top chassis boffins had perfected the handling.
It’s officially due to be launched at the Amsterdam motor show this fall, and will be rolled out globally soon after, if it gets all the right responses.

An engineer drives me out to the track, where it awaits ahead on the grid. Laying eyes on this pre-production model for the first time, I’m stricken by its dynamic stance, those instantly recognisable Rizla lines. It looks planted on approach - the shimmering tarmac reflecting its muscular inexorable haunches, as if quivering in the presence of such beauty. My mouth is watering…

Journalists are given a strict 1.7 grams of White Russian with which to get acquainted with the paper. According to Rizla this is the optimum setup.

I’m handed the lighter…Time to fire it up…

Listen closely and - Oh! - Instantly that glorious V fold crackle bursts into life. The precision gum instalment and now I’m told ‘refined flexibility and integrity’ give it the baritone note of Reds and the shrill whoosh of Silver Slims. Oghhhhh….shivers!
On the first toke I gingerly feather the throttle…And I get a sublime, full-bodied toke. More smoke volume per given suction force than any other paper, says the press release. This is down to cutting edge technology - tiny, almost microscopic corrugations laid out by a computer controlled manufacturing process into a vortex shape allow increased airflow. This means more effective smoke channelling and an increased limit on weed density. So, this relatively small capacity paper can mix it with the big boys.

Half way down and I can no longer resist the urge. I’ve got technicians frowning into laptops pitside, but, what the heck. This is being billed as The performance paper.
As I open her up, the burn is…wow! Just this humungous thrust! The Saturn rocket springs to mind. Its so even and rev-happy, you can wring it to within and inch of its life and it just begs for more! Unbelievable!
But, don’t let that beautifully composed chassis fool you into thinking you can’t have fun when the mood arises. Oh yes, she knows how to dance. You just have…oop, woahohh there! -ahaha- You just have to chuck it in, flat to the boards, then quickly sharp off the throttle for a snap of back pressure, then - oh! You get this touch of lift-off oversteer side burn. Now we carefully apply some opposite lock with the lighter and, phew - it goes to show just how pliable and neutral this Cyan Rizla is.
Now. Braking. Ok, hard on the anchors now…That’s almost a minute I’ve left a joint filled purely with weed standing…Picking it up, and yes the cherry is still there. No, its not witchcraft, its Rizla’s new intelligent bogart mitigation system, ‘Afterburn’. The paper has a variable burn rate, which is formulated to react with weed - it spreads combustion over the outer ring of weed in direct contact, to the point of minimizing THC wastage while simultaneously ’cooking’ the interior. The high idle speed allows preservation of the cherry for up to three times longer than a standard paper. It also means tobacco becomes less of a necessity for an easy toke and burn.

So, after a quick blast with the Cyan, what impression has it left on me? Well, its clear that this will be the new flagship model and a technological showcase. But, does all this disconnect the driver from the feel and dilute the driving experience? The answer, I’m glad and quite surprised to say, is far from it. The handling is pure as ever, and the Rizla spirit runs thick in its veins. It will satisfy enthusiasts and casual users in equal measure, and that will be the key to its success.
It looks like Rizla has just moved the game on, and could be ushering in an exciting new era in rolling papers…Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off for one final blast.

[PhineasFreak]

i need say no more...

[logistix]

haha nicely written, sound slike you could write for top gear... not the car show... the other top gear show... haha

[PhineasFreak]

Originally Posted by logistix

haha nicely written, sound slike you could write for top gear... not the car show... the other top gear show... haha

i'm stilll curious about the concept of corrugated rizla - is this real?

[Dustwave]

haha cool...but white russian? isn't that a cocktail?

i prefer Smoking Paper Gold

[Thirst]

Originally Posted by PhineasFreak

i'm stilll curious about the concept of corrugated rizla - is this real?

I haven't heard of such a thing, but I imagine rolling would be difficult without deforming them.

Originally Posted by logistix

haha nicely written, sound slike you could write for top gear... not the car show... the other top gear show... haha

Last week when Hammond was like do you want some cannabis? For a second I thought no way...

Originally Posted by Dustwave

haha cool...but white russian? isn't that a cocktail?
i prefer Smoking Paper Gold

Yeah its a cocktail but also apparently a strain of weed. Although I've never tried it.
Have you tried the clear cellulose papers? It looks weird, like the contents are floating if there's no reflection.

[Dustwave]

Yeah i've tried them. They come in various colors too, including glow in the dark stuff (even though it probably gave me 10 types of cancer that was fun "pass met he lightsaber" lol)

They are fun for once but other than that they are horrible. Even though it burns just like paper, it feels like plastic. And they are too thick so they won't roll smoothly.