Don't you just hate....

[GundamWingman21]

Not feeling all that great right now...... it just so happens to be her birthday today...... And I can't do anything other than wish her a happy birthday..

[lilacfairy]

Oh you guys, big hug for all of you!

I really find it hard to say anything about gundam's situation, but your last messages ... yes, I have to agree they're kinda promising. It could mean, that she doesn't really know what she wants, because she doesn't negate it right from the start. That in turn could be a sign that there's still hope.

Rhino: from what you tell, it doesn't look good. if she's so openly (in front of all your friends) against the idea, then it's usually a bad sign. sorry!

Phin: first of all, that she tells you about very intimate,private stuff only means that she trusts you, it doesn't necessarily mean she's into you. trust me, I have a male friend and I tell him almost anything. apart from stuff that would violate my bf's privacy.
then I have some questions... how long has it been since she split from her fiance? did I understand correctly that they split because he cheated on her? so she was the one that got hurt?
why don't you ask her whether she feels ready for a new relationship? you could ask very casually and if she says, no, long way to go, then at least you don't have to panic in silence.
as to rebounds: they usually only happen because the person who was left wants some kind of confirmation of their own worth and rebounds don't last, because they're not very picky in who they choose to have a rebound with. if the rebound person happens to be the right one, then rebound can turn into a long-term relationship. however, it doesn't happen too often (although it happened to me). what I mean is, if you feel you belong together then you shouldn't be too worried about rebound.

another option: tell her how you feel, but let her know that you're ready to wait for her, until she feels ready to move on.


in general though, for all of you, if you are very open and give obvious signs and she doesn't reciprocate, then usually it doesn't look good. don't overinterpret signs, rather think what she would do if she really was into you.

My sympathies to all of you!

[rh1n0]

Nothing exciting happened on the weekend, everyone got drunk, had heaps of fun, lots of laughs - was in general just a great time had by all. I was happy enough with that!

The only reason I can't get the idea of 'us' out of my head is because we do things together that nobody else in the group does, even as friends. Like today I'm going to pick her up so we can watch a few movies before and after her brother's basketball game. We have our own little inside jokes/games (rock, paper, scissors at red traffic lights and whoever has the most wins at the end of the drive wins, other person has to buy the winner a prize ), etc.

I will just keep going how I am now I think. That's what I do best... Wait for things to happen. :\

[GundamWingman21]

Lmao Rhino! That's great!

lilacfairy, I get that feeling that theres still a spark. I've also realized that she's starting to send me messages more frequently now. It was her birthday last friday (5th) and she went to The Aquarium of the Pacific in Long Beach with her *cough cough* gay bf *cough* (btw he's ugly. Don't you guys hate that? You KNOW you're sexier than the guy the girl you want is dating. Damn! LOL).

I absolutely love that area to death. That wholeeee place, the Marina, the restaurants around the docks, the birds, the lighthouse, the Aquarium itself, the boats/yachts/ships, THE QUEEN MARY! Totally romantic as hell. And I told her that they chose literally the most perfect place to go (but it rained like mad crazy on that day).

So she messages me every other day, always telling me "she's bored". Today, she did the same thing, and I told her "hey don't complain you had an amazing time on friday." She replies with "for the most part". I was like, wtf? explain. she says she doesn't want to type up an essay, and I told her to tell me later then. She comes back and says no I don't want to talk about it anymore, the problem was already resolved the same day. So I said.... ok, glad it was resolved. I did this on purpose.... usually I get her to tell me. She probably thought by saying she didn't want to talk about it, I'd switch into that comfort mode and urge her to tell me. I decided not to do that, which hit her by surprise completely (you know it did because usually they say something like "ya...... anyways whats up".

But the fact that she's been turning to me more often lately, not necessarily about her problems, makes me wonder. Is she talking to me more because of this spark? Or is she just that bored? lol. For those of you who don't live in California and have never been to the Long Beach area, just look at this! BEAUTIFUL!



Parker's Lighthouse is awesome! And that ship is wwwaaaayyyy bigger than the picture makes it out to be


*edit*

Here's a better idea,

[ominae]

Just read the first post. Typical friend zone story. Has happened to me plenty of times. I think it happens to every guy almost. To be fair to the other guy, you did have 7 years over him. Maybe your window was a day or week after meeting her and you just didn't realize it back then, and she slowly placed you in the friend zone because that is path you chose. I've often reflected back on my situations and this is what I've come to realize. But not sure my advice can be taken seriously, as I currently do not like being in a relationship. I have yet to find that girl, so I seek lovers not girlfriends.

To all guys out there, If you are interested in a girl. In my experiences if you find yourself in the situation where the girl is talking to you about her day, her problems with exs, she's let her guard down (doesn't dress up around you, more relaxed, burps cusses, etc.), and you've yet to get intimate, you've probably been thrown in the dreaded friend zone. Figure out what YOU want and go after it, don't hesitate.

[d A n i]

I’ve been in situations like this a few times. It’s not just girls. I’ve had the “I really like your sister”, “hook me up with your best friend.” Trust me, these hurt more than some random you don’t know.
I’m a believer in just tell the person that way it’s easier to get over them and you’ll know how they feel, but at the same time, a little bit of reassurance from the other person goes a LONG way.
On a similar note, I sometimes talk about guys in front of guys I like to sus out their reaction to me messaging other guys, etc. After a while you just kind of give up that they might like you, and try to slowly get over it.
Ryan: I’m in that same situation now, except that he knows that I like him. The most he’s ever said about it is “we’ll have a talk tomorrow”, needless to say it never happened. Now, I just don’t know what to do because I don’t know where I stand.

[GundamWingman21]

Originally Posted by ominae

Just read the first post. Typical friend zone story. Has happened to me plenty of times. I think it happens to every guy almost. To be fair to the other guy, you did have 7 years over him. Maybe your window was a day or week after meeting her and you just didn't realize it back then, and she slowly placed you in the friend zone because that is path you chose. I've often reflected back on my situations and this is what I've come to realize. But not sure my advice can be taken seriously, as I currently do not like being in a relationship. I have yet to find that girl, so I seek lovers not girlfriends.

To all guys out there, If you are interested in a girl. In my experiences if you find yourself in the situation where the girl is talking to you about her day, her problems with exs, she's let her guard down (doesn't dress up around you, more relaxed, burps cusses, etc.), and you've yet to get intimate, you've probably been thrown in the dreaded friend zone. Figure out what YOU want and go after it, don't hesitate.

Read the whole thread my man! There's a lot more info you've yet to read!

dAni... If that "talk" didn't happen, then it was his excuse to get out of the situation. End of story. Drop that foo like a hot potato because you don't want to like someone who says they'll do something, and never goes around doing it. If he said "we'll talk sometime later" then that would have been okay, but the single fact that he said "tomorrow" and it never happened =

[logistix]

the friend zone has an expiry to it though lads. so don't lose all faith in woman kind.
and I'll say this, I've been guilty. A girl who hurt a boy badly by rejecting him and making him fall back to being friends...

I feel bad about it too... and now I'm more aware than ever of him and his feelings, and I just crumple at how astonishingly gentlemanly he is towards me now. and for that, I suppose I don't know whether I want to punch him in the head or hug him... or both?

sigh.

Best of luck to you all. hope you find what your looking for.

[d A n i]

Originally Posted by GundamWingman21

Read the whole thread my man! There's a lot more info you've yet to read!

dAni... If that "talk" didn't happen, then it was his excuse to get out of the situation. End of story. Drop that foo like a hot potato because you don't want to like someone who says they'll do something, and never goes around doing it. If he said "we'll talk sometime later" then that would have been okay, but the single fact that he said "tomorrow" and it never happened =

tomorrow in that situation was my birthday, and there were about 40 people over, it would have been really hard to get me alone, i had trouble getting 5 seconds to myself .. not to mention my other friends would have gotten suss .. i dunno .. i think maybe he just doesn't want to talk about it because he's scared of what it might do to the friendship .. but that sucks because i DO want to talk about it .. i'd feel a ot better if we did .. if anyone here knows my friend, just give him a little nudge yeh?



EDIT: I'm making excuses aren't i?

[its-exit]

So I read your first post and skimmed through the rest of the stuff...

Not sure my advice is worth much as every situation is different....

Its a LOT easier to get out of the friend zone for a girl than for a guy...

Its dawned on me recently that the relationships that seem the most "in love" or deep are those that also faced the most challenge prior to getting into the relationship....

This girl probably cares for you a lot, although she may not see you as anything more than a friend after 7 years.

I recently went out with friend I had known for 5 years. I fell for her pretty hard (to an extent) because I knew her pretty well and we had so much in common. We clicked really well.

She broke up with her boyfriend and started seeing me right away... I never expected to get involved with her because I saw her as a friend....so when she started with heavy flirtation it was surprising...

It started as me just having fun...and next thing you know she has me falling for her.... she was doing everything I could possibly ask for... She was making me happy and I wanted to make her happy... so a month goes by and Xmas starts rolling around......

Now she starts acting shady...... I noticed right away... next thing you know she's giving me bullshit excuses..... then she sells me out on New Years......

No words can explain how much it hurt.

But the point is that I also lost a friend..... a friend I cared for.... things are now somewhat awkward with her and I can barely look at her..... I lost a lot of respect for her for the way she handled things...

So before you make any moves....ask yourself can you bear to lose her as a friend because you want more?

Also..... if you want to test the waters.... you can ask her a question like "Would a girl like you ever date a guy like me?"

she'll say yes of course..... and to which you can reply "Okay...so how do I find a girl like you?"

The idea is to be playful.... you're subtly hinting at your feelings while trying to gauge hers without risking an awkward moment....

You'll also get her thinking about you in more than just a friendship way.....and things will unfold the way in which they were meant to...

Ideally.... she should meet you half way if it will ever get to be more than friendship....

So start inching your way to the half way mark...if she reciprocates than you know where its leading......take your time and enjoy the ride called life

[GundamWingman21]

WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Are you kiddin me?!?!?!

She totally fkin played you! Oh that pisses me the HELL OFF!

How typical can some women be?! I mean seriously. You break up with your bf... so what do you do... hmm.... go after the guy who is so good to you, get your mind off the idiot ex by having a little fun, fiddling around. Oh sure it's all fun and games until they take it TOO FAR.... I swear sometimes I tell myself that women do NOT know ANYTHING about boundaries. Don't cross the freakin threshold!!!!!!!

You handled it pretty well though exit. I'm glad that respect you had for her is GONE. May I ask.... what do you plan to do if she all of a sudden comes right back??? I'm really curious.

That situation reminds me of a girl that somewhat did that to me, but I wasn't head over heels for her. She ended up getting a bf, stopped talking to me, I got pretty upset about it. Funny too because it was her first bf.... lmao..... amazing. I found out not too long ago that they're no longer dating I wonder what was goin on through her mind when she realized "uh oh, I totally effed up."

[faerie dust]

Wow, you guys have been dealing with some rough issues! I send hugs to u all. There are a few things I may be able to add, coming from a female perspective...whether or not they apply or help, I'm not sure.

If a girl tells you everything, as if you are a best friend...likely she is not interested in a further relationship. I would never tell a guy who I am interested in romantically, all my secrets, or even half of them. For my husband and me, it was romantic first, then friendship built after that. We are best of friends, don't get me wrong. But the first thing I felt, as you guys seem to be feeling as well, are those crazy intense emotions that knock you down and made me want to get his attention...to let him know I was really into him. And I did it subtly yet it was apparent enough to not have him confused about whether or not I wanted a friendship or more. I remember having a lot of quiet moments, when we didn't know what to say to each other...as if we knew we were thinking the same thing.

There also was no confusion about it. I knew right away what I wanted.

I see in some of the situations, the girls are playing games...that is definitely BS and I would say to run from that as soon as possible! I know you cannot help the way you feel, but it hurts much less to go in the beginning than to hang around only to be hurt more in the end. I am not into game-playing, but some girls are. They tend to also be the bitches who start s*#t with girls when they are young, being mean and all that drama. These girls always think they are better than everyone else, lack empathy, and end up being alone!


My hope for you all is that you find the girl out there who is meant for you. I know you may think you already met her, and it may be true...but I also have thought I was with that one person once in my life, and it turned out to be dead wrong! Then, as I was least expecting it...and not at all wanting or looking for it, he was right there...and I could not look past it. But if you are sure she is the one do not hesitate. Let her know how you feel. If that makes her run away, then what are you really losing? An unrequited love that goes on forever? If you mean the same to her, then she will not let you run away. Tell her, don't hint it, how you really feel about her! "This is what I want. I don't want to lose our friendship, but I cannot pretend that is all I feel for you!" Maybe she is just waiting to make sure you are certain she is the ONE before she lets her true feelings be known. She is out there guys, really out there just for you. It may be a matter of time, or unexpectedly be tomorrow on your way home from work at the supermarket! You just never know

[its-exit]

Originally Posted by GundamWingman21

WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Are you kiddin me?!?!?!

She totally fkin played you! Oh that pisses me the HELL OFF!

How typical can some women be?! I mean seriously. You break up with your bf... so what do you do... hmm.... go after the guy who is so good to you, get your mind off the idiot ex by having a little fun, fiddling around. Oh sure it's all fun and games until they take it TOO FAR.... I swear sometimes I tell myself that women do NOT know ANYTHING about boundaries. Don't cross the freakin threshold!!!!!!!

You handled it pretty well though exit. I'm glad that respect you had for her is GONE. May I ask.... what do you plan to do if she all of a sudden comes right back??? I'm really curious.

That situation reminds me of a girl that somewhat did that to me, but I wasn't head over heels for her. She ended up getting a bf, stopped talking to me, I got pretty upset about it. Funny too because it was her first bf.... lmao..... amazing. I found out not too long ago that they're no longer dating I wonder what was goin on through her mind when she realized "uh oh, I totally effed up."

Yea tell me about it.

I have no problem being someones rebound as long as I know that I'm a rebound......I won't be emotionally torn when the good times come to an end....

But she fooled me real good. Told me everything I needed to hear...did everything I needed to feel safe/confident in her..... and the fact that we had a friendship/history prior made it all that much easier to drop my guard...

It was a huge wake up call for me. I'm not completely over it in the sense that I never got closure with her about it.....

If she came back to me I'd probably say something like

"You did everything and said everything to make me happy (I'd give some examples)......and it made me want to make you happy too....but then you went and threw it all away.... I don't KNOW why...nor do I care why.....whats done is done and there is no going back.....for your sake I hope it was worth it"

I'd probably elaborate on how she also threw away our friendship instead of just being real with me....in which case I'd probably never go out with her again but I'd respect her for being mature enough to tell me what the situation was......instead of selling me out on new years....



Can't belive I'm talking about this crap...

*sigh*

[ominae]

I guess I'm cold hearted then ahahaha

and yes I just read the first few posts. I'm lazy too

[Nokturnal]

Originally Posted by Bubble Wrap

Ladies do us guys a favor
if your alone with a guy for coffee lunch dinner or whatever for the first time
do me a favor, at least keep in mind the possibility that they may be interested in you romantically, even if they dont give off any signals
so you dont do anything stupid that may break their hearts

It's crazy how many women don't realize this.

[GundamWingman21]

I just took a look at her facebook right now guys, and her bf is no longer on her page. My guess is, duh, they broke up. How funny is that...... that's what she gets for getting together with a guy IN ONE EFFING DAY. She hasn't informed me of it yet, and I'm not going to mention it.... in fact, I'm not going to say a word to her

[shahsxfx]

.........

[DJ Stev]

Originally Posted by shahsxfx

.........

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY welcome back shah!!!!!!!!

[hampton]

Originally Posted by GundamWingman21

.... when that person is right there. There she is, sitting in front of you, sipping the coffee you just bought her.

There's the problem!

[GundamWingman21]

Originally Posted by hampton

There's the problem!

The heck do you want me to do, take her to a 5 star restaurant? Good women don't give a damn what you spend on them. Also, some women actually appreciate small outgoings such as a late night coffee run over overly crowded places and sights.


Oh and just fyi everyone, a little update. While she was with her boyfriend (yes I said was, meaning she is now broken up with him), she went out on a blind date set up by her parents and their friend's son. He took a girl he's never seen before, and no more than an hour after meeting, whale watching. Yes, whale watching. In fact, he must have blown quite a bit of money on that day, considering what she told me. Now she has the hots for him. Lmao.... oh how the wonders of this world work. Yet another "loliseeu1time" boyfriend soon to come.


But it's safe for me to say that after listening to all of this, I'm finding myself feeling totally fine. For one thing, I'm doing good things for my body and they're producing fantastic results. I have no intentions of stopping. Doing exercise every day does wonders for your mind, body and soul. It's as if she's speaking to me about all the bs, and to me, it's just blah blah blah ooooo can't wait for tomorrow, doing core synergistics!! lmao.


Thanks everyone who shared their input.