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Unread Jul 11th, 2009, 06:43 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Unhappy My best friend is in love with me and I don`t feel the same

First of all, I recently signed up, so I don`t know if there is a thread like this, if so, I`m sorry. but I` have a problem, for a while now. I really don`t know have to deal with it! My best friend is in love with me, for a very long time now, firstly, i didnt know, but once when we were out he had told me, since then, he`d send me mostly sms saying it. i`m not very good with words and don`t know how to manage situations like these and he`s about the same. we are friends since first grade so you could say we know each other almost all our lives and always been very close. I think he knows that i dont feel the same, because I`d probably make a move otherwise but i think he keeps he`s hopes up, and often becomes hurt again and again if i don`t response or mention other man nstuff. i can see it`s very very hard on him and then it makes me feel like a crap.. any thoughts on this or ADVICE?!?!?! thanx
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Unread Jul 11th, 2009, 12:25 PM   #2 (permalink)
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the thing with men, is that they cant really tell the difference between friendship and flirting
he does not know
of course the guy is going to get his hopes up, some people think that over time people change their minds.
You just need to make it clear that your not interested and never will be.
Just curious why are you not interested in him, I would imagine the reason being is that you've known him for so long that dating him would feel like dating your brother or cousin, which is what you should tell him. You should tell him hes attractive and a great person even if he isnt attractive.
If you tell just tell him hes a great guy, in his mind he'll be like "Oh i get I'm a great guy, but you think I'm ugly is that it?" and that sh1t will kill his self esteem.
If he is your friend, perhaps a good way to make a compromise is maybe introduce him to another girl.
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Unread Jul 11th, 2009, 12:49 PM   #3 (permalink)
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+1 that seems like a very good way to handle the situation...
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Unread Jul 11th, 2009, 12:56 PM   #4 (permalink)
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They way i always looked at it is - if you're a woman and you have friends who are men, they're either gay, genuinely interested w/ good intentions (not friendship) or simply trying to get laid. If you're a woman who thinks otherwise, you've been fooled all your life. And your friend will probably realize that he'll grow a vagina if he stays with you and "keeps his hopes up." In another words, if there is no game for him, there is no point to stick around for anything else and he'll probably move on.
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Unread Jul 11th, 2009, 02:42 PM   #5 (permalink)
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It's also good to keep in mind that people who love someone who doesn't love them back as more than a friend, could eventually come to truly hate that person. When that bubble of hope deflates, it can trigger a very negative reaction, possibly on par with how much he did care about you, just opposite. Not saying that it will turn out like that, just be prepared that it could.
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Unread Jul 12th, 2009, 09:08 AM   #6 (permalink)
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That exactly the reason, I tried to picture me dating him, but it didnt seem right. I think it would be DOA and everything would become only a lot worse.. and it`s not because he`s NOT attractive, he`s a good looking guy. it`s just that, I know we should make it clear for once and for all but that conversation will definitely end up badly and maybe I`m being selfish but I dont wanna loose a friendship that`s more than 15y old!
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Unread Jul 12th, 2009, 09:15 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DJ_Serg View Post
They way i always looked at it is - if you're a woman and you have friends who are men, they're either gay, genuinely interested w/ good intentions (not friendship) or simply trying to get laid. If you're a woman who thinks otherwise, you've been fooled all your life. And your friend will probably realize that he'll grow a vagina if he stays with you and "keeps his hopes up." In another words, if there is no game for him, there is no point to stick around for anything else and he'll probably move on.

then he probably already has a vagina, because he`s ``sticking around`` for more than 5y now
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Unread Jul 12th, 2009, 11:40 AM   #8 (permalink)
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- tell him you like him "like a brother". that's enough to get rid of any guy.
- if you still value his friendship, don't talk about other guys with him.
- tell him to do a google image search for "friend zone".
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Unread Jul 12th, 2009, 05:38 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DJ_Serg View Post
They way i always looked at it is - if you're a woman and you have friends who are men, they're either gay, genuinely interested w/ good intentions (not friendship) or simply trying to get laid. If you're a woman who thinks otherwise, you've been fooled all your life. And your friend will probably realize that he'll grow a vagina if he stays with you and "keeps his hopes up." In another words, if there is no game for him, there is no point to stick around for anything else and he'll probably move on.
that's a load of stereotyping crap, not every male out there sees a possible partner in a female, and can certainly be just your friend, and a very good and honest one
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Unread Jul 12th, 2009, 05:40 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by trance4ever View Post
that's a load of stereotyping crap, not every male out there sees a possible partner in a female, and can certainly be just your friend, and a very good and honest one
Maybe you can't read. Maybe i can help with that.

Quote:
They way i always looked at it is - if you're a woman and you have friends who are men, they're either gay, genuinely interested w/ good intentions (not friendship) or simply trying to get laid. If you're a woman who thinks otherwise, you've been fooled all your life. And your friend will probably realize that he'll grow a vagina if he stays with you and "keeps his hopes up." In another words, if there is no game for him, there is no point to stick around for anything else and he'll probably move on.
So this means it's my opinion which is different from yours.

Oh and regarding the mighty friend zone:

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Last edited by DJ_Serg : Jul 12th, 2009 at 05:43 PM.
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Unread Jul 12th, 2009, 05:42 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Your friend sounds like me
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Unread Jul 12th, 2009, 07:51 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DJ_Serg View Post
Maybe you can't read. Maybe i can help with that.



So this means it's my opinion which is different from yours.

Oh and regarding the mighty friend zone:

i can read alright, what you said is plain and simple to understand

the fact that is "your opinion" doesn't change the fact that my opinion is that its stereotyping crap

be my guest, and use all the spoons you wish
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Unread Jul 13th, 2009, 05:00 AM   #13 (permalink)
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ok plastic spoons are free and everyone feel free to use them! now back to the topic...my opinion was that there are male/female friendships possible, I have other male friends who don`t have romantic interest in me (no, they arent gay and I`ll let them now where to provide spoons. Other thing.. ``I love you`` ~``yeah, I love you to my brother!`` is not actually the way I wanna handle the problem :/
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Unread Jul 13th, 2009, 05:03 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by -ROX- View Post
Your friend sounds like me
if that`s so, you can give me your insight on this matter, I think you wouldn`t wanna hear words like brother or cousin, would you?
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Unread Jul 13th, 2009, 07:21 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jane Doe View Post
if that`s so, you can give me your insight on this matter, I think you wouldn`t wanna hear words like brother or cousin, would you?
IMO Bubble Wrap gave you great advice, and if he didn't i would have told you the same thing

both take time and discuss the situation openly, rather than you ignoring it and just going on the assumption that you think he knows you're not interested
man need to be told the facts straight out, all you're doing by avoiding to spell it out is give him hope

most importantly, be sincere, explain what you feel, and the value you put on your friendship

even if you were to date, if things don't work out there's very few situations were both can remain friends
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Unread Jul 13th, 2009, 08:10 AM   #16 (permalink)
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Quote:
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if that`s so, you can give me your insight on this matter, I think you wouldn`t wanna hear words like brother or cousin, would you?
I have no insight to give. I've been in love with this girl for 9 years, that's almost half my life. And when I say in love I mean "to die for without thinking twice" love. We're friends, but she obviously doesn't feel the same, because she knows it and as you said, would have made a move if she did. But I'm grateful, I'm grateful I can even get to spend good times with her, and I'm constantly torn between just enjoying our time as friends or risking it all and speaking my mind completely. It's killing me, every day.
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Unread Jul 13th, 2009, 08:57 AM   #17 (permalink)
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considering both of your locations.... dare I say... is it possible?
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Unread Jul 13th, 2009, 09:02 AM   #18 (permalink)
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OMG I didn't even notice

Nah, my love is not the EDM type
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Unread Jul 13th, 2009, 10:13 AM   #19 (permalink)
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lol I didn`t noticed it either well, hello there!
and thank you, all of your advices are being very helpful, I guess I knew what it is that I have to do, but wanted to hear from someone else, or wanted to hear some fresh opinions on this..hm...hm...
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Unread Jul 13th, 2009, 10:16 AM   #20 (permalink)
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I didn't read the majority of these posts, so I apologize if I recycle anything that has been already stated, but I have a question for you:

Why is it that you feel you two wouldn't make a good couple?
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