Digitally Imported Homepage

Go Back   Digitally Imported Forums > Daily Life > Personal Life and Relationships
Register FAQ Members List Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Reply
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Unread Oct 3rd, 2006, 05:07 AM   #1 (permalink)
Senior Forum Addict
 
The Beadies's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: England
Posts: 554
Send a message via MSN to The Beadies
Default Please help my messy head

Today i'm having a bad day...

Me and my girlfriend have been with each other for almost 2 years. She is younger then me (I'm 25 she is 19) but this never really was a problem.
We used to live with each other for about 9 months and this all came about because I had a flat and she still lived at home so it was more convenient for her to stay with me.

Everything was fine for the first few months until she started stealing stuff. i never actually caught her doing it but I trusted everyone else in the house. I confronted her about it but she (obviously) said no!....I knew she was lying but I loved her and over looked it.

Recently (last 4 months) she moved out of my flat cos she fell for someone else and chose him over me, so i kicked her out. All of a sudden she couldnt stand this guy anymore and realised that she wanted to be with me so I (stupidly I know) took her back. Although I did, we do not live with each other. Since I took her back I rarely see her (maybe once a week) and she is always out with her mates. I think she has cheated on me in the past too but because she says NO to everything I just can't be sure for certain.

i feel like a mug, I lent her £80 the other day to help pay her rent and I got to see her then but since it's been hard work seeing her.

Why can i not let her go? She is stunning and sometimes i feel like I am only with her because I dont want someone else getting her. That sounds childish I agree but I want to know why the hell she is with me? is it for my money?

I wish she could see the emotional damage she has done over the years so she understands what I go through everytime i dont see her.

I say to myself that if another girl came along who i really liked and liked me then I could leave her but because I am soooo shit with girls I cant see that happening anytime soon.

What do I do? Why am I still with her? Why is she with me?


Thanks for reading
__________________
The line between genius and insanity is measured only by success.
The Beadies is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread Oct 3rd, 2006, 06:42 AM   #2 (permalink)
DI Extreme Addict
 
KNVB8's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 1,275
Default

I think with logic when it comes to problems in a relationship and put the emotions to the side. I find that getting you're emotions involved when you and your partner are going through hard times clouds you from actually making the right choices. Don't let your emotions get in the way of doing the right thing.

So I suggest you put you're emotions to the side and think about your problems whatever they may be in a calm and logical mindset.

I'm not saying don't kick you're emotions to the curb in a relationship. Strong emotions fuels the ever necessary product, passion, in a relationship.

I'm not going to give you the kind of advice you probably want because I don't know you, your girlfriend or you're relationship at all.
__________________
"He who has conquered fear and doubt has conquered failure" - As a Man Thinketh

"I'd rather live one day as a lion than 100 years as a sheep." - Italian Proverb

Last edited by KNVB8 : Oct 3rd, 2006 at 06:46 AM.
KNVB8 is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread Oct 3rd, 2006, 06:46 AM   #3 (permalink)
Senior Forum Addict
 
The Beadies's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: England
Posts: 554
Send a message via MSN to The Beadies
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by KNVB8
I think with logic when it comes to problems in a relationship and put the emotions to the side. I find that getting you're emotions involved when you and your partner are going through hard times clouds you from actually making the right choices.

So I suggest you put you're emotions to the side and think about your problems whatever they may be in a calm and logical mindset.

I'm not saying don't kick you're emotions to the curb in a relationship. Strong emotions fuels the ever necessary product, passion, in a relationship.

I'm not going to give you the kind of advice you probably want because I don't know you, your girlfriend or you're relationship at all.
Any advice is good advice otherwise it would not be advice. I appreciate what you said and I can only wish I was as mentally strong to do what you do.
__________________
The line between genius and insanity is measured only by success.
The Beadies is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread Oct 3rd, 2006, 06:54 AM   #4 (permalink)
DI Extreme Addict
 
KNVB8's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 1,275
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by The Beadies
Any advice is good advice otherwise it would not be advice. I appreciate what you said and I can only wish I was as mentally strong to do what you do.
Well, if you could, right now. Put your emotions aside for 20 minutes and think about how you would want your relationship to be, what's wrong with you're relationship now and most importantly, think from an un-emotional mindset what you can do to fix it or what must be done for you to stop feeling so miserable. Now pretend like you put these plans into action and try and see the outcome. If you find yourself feeling better about the situation maybe you should persue that option more in depth, if not, then you still might be letting you're emotions dictate your thoughts and actions.
__________________
"He who has conquered fear and doubt has conquered failure" - As a Man Thinketh

"I'd rather live one day as a lion than 100 years as a sheep." - Italian Proverb
KNVB8 is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread Oct 3rd, 2006, 06:55 AM   #5 (permalink)
DI Critical Mass
 
PhineasFreak's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Dancing with wolves
Posts: 33,185
Send a message via MSN to PhineasFreak
Default

you saiy you suspect she has stolen from you in the past - is this down to a lack of respect, drug problems, desperate money troubles, pure greed or some other problem?

if you have an understanding of why she would abuse such facets of a relationship it may shine a light on the wider problems present...
__________________
"It sounds like God treading on a lego brick" - Jeremy Clarkson

New Psy-Dub remix!
http://www.ubetoo.com/psytrance/46349
PhineasFreak is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread Oct 3rd, 2006, 07:03 AM   #6 (permalink)
Senior Forum Addict
 
The Beadies's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: England
Posts: 554
Send a message via MSN to The Beadies
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by PhineasFreak
you saiy you suspect she has stolen from you in the past - is this down to a lack of respect, drug problems, desperate money troubles, pure greed or some other problem?

if you have an understanding of why she would abuse such facets of a relationship it may shine a light on the wider problems present...
She stole I believe because she is both bad with her money and greedy. She got annoyed cos I earn ok money and always go out spending it and she gets frustrated cos she never had any. What makes things worse is that her parents are pretty minted yet she refuses to ask them for help unless it's a worst case scenario.

I live in hope that maybe just one day she will change, i feel that if i left her, she would change and the next guy would benefit and not me.......The more i type the more i sound like an absoloute twat.
__________________
The line between genius and insanity is measured only by success.
The Beadies is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread Oct 3rd, 2006, 07:10 AM   #7 (permalink)
DI Critical Mass
 
PhineasFreak's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Dancing with wolves
Posts: 33,185
Send a message via MSN to PhineasFreak
Default

you sound like you are a decent guy and she is taking advantage because she knows she can get away with it. unless you have some amazing skills that many of us lack, the sad truth is that it is usually exceptionally hard to change people in the long term.

it is for you to decide whether you love her so much she is worth putting up with and allowing her to abuse you good nature or whther you should tell her where to go hence giving yourself short term pain in return for longer term benefit...
__________________
"It sounds like God treading on a lego brick" - Jeremy Clarkson

New Psy-Dub remix!
http://www.ubetoo.com/psytrance/46349

Last edited by PhineasFreak : Oct 3rd, 2006 at 07:16 AM.
PhineasFreak is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread Oct 3rd, 2006, 07:12 AM   #8 (permalink)
DI Chronic Addict
 
Lotz's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: where am I again???
Posts: 6,455
Default

No you don't sound like a twat!!

These things take ages to get your head around (believe me I know its taken me about 5 years to sort out my life!!!!!)

Its always a difficult thing to do and the 'what-ifs' always seem worth sticking at it! But 'what-if' the right girl is out there for you but you never get to find her cos you're stuck with this girl??

Be logical about it - work out the problems in your head (and on paper if necessary) You know what you need to do to make you happy.

Like I said in the PM be strong, be committed to what you believe in. Do what's right for you.

PMA being sent your way!!!
__________________
~ ♥ ~ ♥ ~ Of all the things I've ever lost, I miss the wolfboy the most! ~ ♥ ~ ♥ ~
Lotz is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread Oct 3rd, 2006, 07:16 AM   #9 (permalink)
Senior Forum Addict
 
The Beadies's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: England
Posts: 554
Send a message via MSN to The Beadies
Default

Heh thanks all of you...

I am seeing her tonight (unless she finds something better to do) maybe i will talk to her and get out of it.

I will let you know tomorrow one way or another.


Roll on the good times....
__________________
The line between genius and insanity is measured only by success.
The Beadies is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread Oct 3rd, 2006, 08:21 AM   #10 (permalink)
DI Chronic Addict
 
Circa2201's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 6,337
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by The Beadies
Heh thanks all of you...

I am seeing her tonight (unless she finds something better to do) maybe i will talk to her and get out of it.

I will let you know tomorrow one way or another.


Roll on the good times....

I honestly feel for you, because I, like most others of us, have been in this very same situation; wanting to stay in a relationship that we know we should terminate. It's the age-old battle between the brain and the heart. My rule of thumb is this, anytime my heart and my brain conflict or disagree, I follow my brain because I know the heart can be fickle. I say cut your losses and go through the pain the loss usually brings. in time all will be right in the universe again. . . .

This is how it has worked for me and others i know: In the beginning, the relationship is spectacular—all “highs, with enjoyable cravings;” like a drug addict gets from a drug/dopamine rush in the brain. But these highs don’t last and there will be the drop-off when the normal level of interaction begins. The same occurs with the breakup of a relationship; the withdrawals can be painful and unrelenting. The lows you experience are as low as the highs were high in the beginning. However, just like with the ‘highs,’ with time, the cravings and pain subside and eventually go away, and the brain returns to normal. Time heals all!

Hang in there. . . . . . .
__________________
In looking back at the past 100 years, one thing stands out: Man's capacity for cruelty seems fairly constant. -Kate Forsyth

Human life has lost the dignity it once had and death is more predictable than living. - Lucky Dube
Circa2201 is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread Oct 3rd, 2006, 08:33 AM   #11 (permalink)
DI Extreme Addict
 
Jeff Andvik's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Michigan
Posts: 2,580
Default

well, your not a twat or anything, I dated a girl for 9 months of hell before I could finally just walk away. So im going to give you as many reasons as possible to break up with her :P

first of all, she's 19 and your 25. Most girls these days (mind you, not all) are pretty immature untill they hit the mid 20's. Its sad to say, but im pretty sure your maturity level and hers do not mix very well. Do you ever feel like you have to baby-sit her and explain stuff as if to a kid? Well then you know for sure that she is way to young for you :P

second of all, she lies, and you suspect her of cheating. This means you cannot trust her, and what is a relationship without trust? Simply a sceleton waiting to be cleaned out. Im sorry to say, but without trust in a relationship, its not worth anything, and since you KNOW you cant trust her, leave her. She aint worth it, there are plenty of other fish in the pond for you to pick from.

Thirdly, I would say this: Never leave someone for someone else. The only thing this shows the person that you end up with, is that you might do that to them one day, and they will have a harder time trusting and loving you. On top of that, you will need time to heal your self from your 19 yr old kid of a gf before you can seriously move onto another relationship and truly make it work.

Lastly, things never get better when one party refuses to be up front about things. They just get worse. If you dont end it soon, I predict that she's gona mess with your head even more. Get outa it, and get over it its gona take some time, but be strong. Trust me, no other person is worth going through hell your self to be with. If anything, the sex better be amazing.

good luck m8, be strong! do the right thing
__________________
hello ... this is me :) I just posted the message you possibly just read ... if not, im a by-stander ... oboy...
Jeff Andvik is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread Oct 3rd, 2006, 08:36 AM   #12 (permalink)
Senior Forum Addict
 
The Beadies's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: England
Posts: 554
Send a message via MSN to The Beadies
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jeff Andvik
well, your not a twat or anything, I dated a girl for 9 months of hell before I could finally just walk away. So im going to give you as many reasons as possible to break up with her :P

first of all, she's 19 and your 25. Most girls these days (mind you, not all) are pretty immature untill they hit the mid 20's. Its sad to say, but im pretty sure your maturity level and hers do not mix very well. Do you ever feel like you have to baby-sit her and explain stuff as if to a kid? Well then you know for sure that she is way to young for you :P

second of all, she lies, and you suspect her of cheating. This means you cannot trust her, and what is a relationship without trust? Simply a sceleton waiting to be cleaned out. Im sorry to say, but without trust in a relationship, its not worth anything, and since you KNOW you cant trust her, leave her. She aint worth it, there are plenty of other fish in the pond for you to pick from.

Thirdly, I would say this: Never leave someone for someone else. The only thing this shows the person that you end up with, is that you might do that to them one day, and they will have a harder time trusting and loving you. On top of that, you will need time to heal your self from your 19 yr old kid of a gf before you can seriously move onto another relationship and truly make it work.

Lastly, things never get better when one party refuses to be up front about things. They just get worse. If you dont end it soon, I predict that she's gona mess with your head even more. Get outa it, and get over it its gona take some time, but be strong. Trust me, no other person is worth going through hell your self to be with. If anything, the sex better be amazing.

good luck m8, be strong! do the right thing
You have given me the best bit of advice I have ever had....Greatly greatly appreciated.
__________________
The line between genius and insanity is measured only by success.
The Beadies is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread Oct 3rd, 2006, 08:58 AM   #13 (permalink)
DI Extreme Addict
 
Jeff Andvik's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Michigan
Posts: 2,580
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by The Beadies
You have given me the best bit of advice I have ever had....Greatly greatly appreciated.
any time m8, I truly hope things work out for you!
__________________
hello ... this is me :) I just posted the message you possibly just read ... if not, im a by-stander ... oboy...
Jeff Andvik is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread Oct 3rd, 2006, 11:26 AM   #14 (permalink)
DI Extreme Addict
 
Yellowfin's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Cupertino, PRK
Posts: 1,468
Default

There are too many women in this world to myopically focus your attention on one at too early an age.
__________________
I predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them. -- Thomas Jefferson
Yellowfin is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread Oct 3rd, 2006, 06:58 PM   #15 (permalink)
intriguing ingenue
 
gillie017's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 1,974
Send a message via MSN to gillie017
Default

Jeff Andvik's words are very wise.
__________________
gillie017 does not endorse the products or services that may be advertised in the content of this post.

Please use their competitors instead.
gillie017 is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread Oct 4th, 2006, 09:04 AM   #16 (permalink)
DI Extreme Addict
 
its-exit's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Miami, FL -USA
Posts: 2,952
Send a message via AIM to its-exit
Default

Don't be scared of being single. It's one of the best things in the world.

Be realistic about the situation.... if its causing more grief then happyness... you know what you have to do....
__________________
“Free will is an illusion. People always choose the perceived path of greatest pleasure.” - Scott Adams
its-exit is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread Oct 4th, 2006, 09:41 AM   #17 (permalink)
DI Extreme Addict
 
DJ_Serg's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: USA
Posts: 4,644
Default

she's 19. i think that should give a nice explanation to things.
__________________
The Sellex Project: http://www.sellexproject.com
- You touch me, I feel you
- Your presence surrounds me
- I float away...
- You are my guide, You are my light, You take me to a place where i can shine
DJ_Serg is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread Dec 21st, 2008, 08:51 AM   #18 (permalink)
Addict in Training
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: xuhcyhx in mars
Posts: 1
Default ...

hey dude!
what did you do???
did you left the girl?
aliennumber12 is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread Dec 21st, 2008, 09:18 AM   #19 (permalink)
Junior Addict
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: England
Posts: 34
Default

If you're pretty certain she's been stealing from you, yet she's denying it, it's pretty clear she's taking advantage of you and doesn't respect you.

It seems you'll be better off without her. What's the point of being in a relationship if you truly can't trust her?

Goodluck, mate.
SamJL is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread Dec 21st, 2008, 01:31 PM   #20 (permalink)
Premium Member
 
hampton's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: BC, Canada
Posts: 789
Default

I took an ex back once. It didn't work out.

I have only one regret: not telling her to go to hell as soon as she started being sketchy and kicking her ass out the door. You will have this regret too.

She's keeping you around because women want someone there on the other end of the phone pining for them when they need it. Any time she needs that little emotional masturbation, there you are. They also don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, so they'll keep a guy around but just neglect him rather than break it off.

Tell her to get bent and never to call again. You'll probably still get to bang her too because chicks can't stand the thought of somebody not liking them so she'll try to make you like her again.
hampton is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply



Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 07:44 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.6.8
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.2.0
Copyright © 2010 Digitally Imported, Inc.